I love life. Not just my life, life itself. So I love death like a real lover appreciates their thick wife’s cellulite: it makes her real, not flawed. You can spend your whole life staring at the thing, minimizing it, being ashamed of it, or desperately trying to make it go away. But there’s nothing happier than a life lived with acceptance of it.
I don’t know how to transcend into the spiritual plane. I don’t meditate, I haven’t had an eye-opening psychedelic trip, nor a near-death experience. But I know writing is like breathing for me, and dropping music is like virgin birth.
I know I feel responsible for informing you, even when I want nothing to do with you. I know the more things change around me, the more sure I am some permanent spark of a thing is “me” inside of my body. And I’m proud I gave other little sparks chances at this life with their own bodies (i.e. my kids). And I’d give my body for theirs to continue.
There’s a lot I feel compelled to do while I’m in this body. Compulsions that say, “Think about it, but I know the right answer,” like the smiling grandparent just waiting for you to get it. And when I consider a life guided by these unchanging urges, I don’t know what else is better. I don’t know what else there is after that except death — mission complete! You lived.
Reincarnation, nirvana, heaven, hell, purgatory, and nothingness all have their validity. I’m not against any of these views of life after death. But no matter what reward or lack thereof awaits us, the present is a … !
As far as I can tell, knowing how to live is knowing how to die. True to self, tidy conscience, seeing all things physical as the reflection of all things spiritual. It usually doesn’t take long for me to learn a lesson, and I’ve changed a number of times to ensure that bright burn in my gut and cool breeze in my mind feel the same.
There are so many things I want to see myself accomplish, but lately it’s been clear the goal is the journey. I did it, I’ll do it.
They could offer me a couple mil but I’ma turn it down / I know how they work they’ll turn me up but they gon’ turn me out / Fruits of my labor, get the juice and then they’ll throw me out / I am infinite, I’m not a trend and I don’t need the clout
– Zander, an American, “In Your Dreams” (2024)
“So if Complex called and was like…”
I guess you don’t really know what you’d do when millions of dollars are wagged in your face until someone wags millions of dollars in your face.
When my friend asked me the question above after listening to “In Your Dreams,” it felt different than it did writing these morally bulletproof raps by myself. Not that anyone would want to buy Across The Culture web properties anytime soon, but having an ethical stance on a potential issue with success before it arises is setting me up to either be a disappointment or a model of integrity (and a bit arrogant either way).
To date (3/5/2024), the “In Your Dreams” music video has 45 views 10 days after release. So if Across The Culture or my work as Zander, an American become anything noteworthy and I do end up turning down labels, or a Complex, or Authentic Brands Group, niggas know it was always that.
Shoutout my wife. Every time I’ve asked she’s always told me it was my decision to make. I’m stubborn and selfish, but she knows there are principles there. Something real.
Had to make Chipotle bowls two meals, i don’t need to now
– Zander, an American, “In Your Dreams”
I’m still frugal. Halving paper towels, picking pennies off the ground, you get the vibe.
I wrestled with the idea of home ownership earlier in our relationship. Marriage, money, and kids changed my perspective. I also had an internal dilemma after learning part of our CFP-prescribed financial strategy led us to unknowingly invest in Vanguard, you know, the investment company that is the root of all evil according to Tik Tok social scientists. I don’t say that to be dismissive — I actually appreciate the light being shed on BlackRock and ’em. But I’m not sure individual Americans are ready to admit they are complicit: in racism, wealth inequality, mass incarceration, our military-industrial complex, all of it. Speaking for myself, I pay taxes, I voted, I have a (small) retirement fund, a gas-fueled car, Meta accounts, and sometimes I buy Tyson chicken when options are limited despite seeing those horrendous videos.
I’m invested in America. Some of you might want to excuse it all as survival. It is! But people choose to busk on the streets of New York everyday. People choose to leave the country. People choose to play along. Not playing along is a world of pain…but so is this.
I can never power down, we can have the power now / Those in power prayin’ that you people never look around / We are social animals, the power always in the crowd / If we turn it up I guarantee you they can’t turn it down
– Zander, an American, “In Your Dreams”
So, if I can keep some greedy hands off my shit and make a living out of it, is that far enough out of the matrix? Maybe.
Listen to “In Your Dreams” by Zander, an American wherever I’m getting ripped off by a digital service provider
Unserious people help us see the flaws in serious people at the cost of their respect. Such is the case for comedy rappers such as Team Clutch (“Homo Flow”), other “gay remix” parody rappers, and London Yellow (“I Am a Nigger”).
If perspective is what a listener is looking for, getting past the initial shock of songs like “Homo Flow” (a remix of NLE Choppa’s “Shotta Flow”) and “I Am a Nigger” rewards a listener with a distorted mirror. These songs and the characters that perform them are just like the songs and artists they mock aside from a fundamental issue that keeps the music from being “acceptable.” Kinda like a Payless Shoes in-store mirror that helps emphasize the view of your shoes at the expense of an unflattering reflection you wouldn’t take a mirror pic of.
“Homo Flow” is brilliant because it is just as violently gay as “Shotta Flow” is violent. If the aggressive sexuality of “Homo Flow” is off-putting, then why is the urgent homicidal energy in “Shotta Flow” viewed normal enough to become a mainstream hit?
When browsing YouTube without being signed in to verify your age, YouTube warns you about the inappropriateness of “Homo Flow” but lets you jump right into the original “Shotta Flow.” Gayness is more dangerous than guns, it seems.
It’s also a trip to adapt an authoritative, alpha male delivery to gay bars since homosexuality in hip-hop (and among Black people) is commonly believed to be the absence of masculinity. But here goes this confident bass-baritone voice forcefully rhyming “I am a menace” with “Not letting his semen replenish.”
Parodies of popular rap songs using homosexuality as the comedic element had something of a moment during the pandemic. Artists like Team Clutch, Kusorare, and Tophonee set out to completely ruin rap hits like “Sicko Mode” and “The Box” and they succeeded, developing distinct approaches to gay remixes and attracting online fanbases.
We need unserious people to show us which parts of our “normal person” act can be dropped
“I Am a Nigger” accomplishes something completely different from gay remixes. Mind you, these songs are not meticulously crafted to be viewed in the light this piece views them, but intentionality is not a requirement for art to be brilliant. Self-expression is valuable when it’s honest, brave, and/or resonant with other people.
It might be hard to hear honesty and bravery in London Yellow’s “I Am a Nigger,” but there are a lot of pointed lyrics and artistic decisions that may help a listener see something more than a teenage troll.
From the moment London Yellow hesitates and stumbles into “What’s brackin’, buddy?” as the intro, the artist’s discomfort with himself is obvious. Between the song title and everything else that follows, it’s clear bro wrestled a lot with his racial identity. But what makes this song more than a kid pushing the big red button over and over is what the artist is sharing about his experiences which inform this song.
According to London, he’s regularly asked for “N-word passes,” regularly called variations of the word “nigger” despite being light-skinned, and seems to be receiving this treatment mainly from White girls (hence the quid pro quo when he raps “Now please show me your White titties, ma’am” after being called a “nigger” by this young lady). Based on all of this, London seems to be at a point where he’s simply tired of White people skirting around the fact they are racist and would love nothing more than to be racist out loud. The entire premise of this song is “Just say it!” from an exhausted Black person.
“I Am a Nigger” is not going to solve racism. What it does do, however, is show us that anti-Blackness still squeezes the life out of Black youth even when political correctness tries to soften the blow. This kid is being asked for “N-word passes” rather than having the actual slur yelled at him, but subtly racist things like that must happen often enough for him to make an entire song about embracing the slur.
That is sad.
It is also a witty, nonviolent reclamation of his power over the situation. Or maybe it just felt good to publicly joke about it all without using his real name. Either way, “I Am a Nigger” is the latest entry to two folders: “The more things change, the more things stay the same” file and the “Black people will joke about anything” file.
***
We need unserious people to show us which parts of our “normal person” act can be dropped. Similarly, we need unserious artists to be ridiculous to help us see which parts of the “serious artist” act are ridiculous. What is hip-hop today without Lil B? Who is Joji without Pink Guy, or Donald Glover without Sick Boi and Derrick Comedy?
There is candor in unserious art that not all serious art has. It allows artists, listeners, and viewers to explore thoughts and feelings otherwise deemed taboo or unworthy of expression. “Homo Flow” and “I Am a Nigger” do not need awards or a place on the Hot 100, but they have a place in the musical landscape that is more valuable than many believe. We need joke rappers, even if they offer nothing more than a good laugh.
UPDATE 3/19/2024: edited for formatting and syntax
